Tonight I was oddly reminded of part of my past life. In speaking with some close friends I mentioned some things about my high school years that I had almost forgotten. There was a time in my teenage life where I was not very active in church. Sure I went, but my heart wasn’t in it. I was secretive and private. I was living a double life. I was not living the principles of the gospel as I knew I should.
Now as I look back on that time I realize how much happier I am now than I was then. What I thought was “nice” and “satisfying” and “just who I am” did not bring me happiness. I was living a gay lifestyle and I was slowly becoming an angry, selfish person. I was not living the gospel. I was not following Jesus Christ.
Eventually, and with much help from friends, church leaders, and My loving Heavenly Father, I changed. It was hard, but I learned to depend on the Lord as I repented and learned to change who I was. One of the HARDEST things for me to do was to forgive myself. It was so difficult to forget that God knew what I had done. I was gay and had been acting on it and I was a sinner.
Well yes. I HAD been sinning. But not any more. I stopped. I moved on. I changed. But for so long I was so focused on what I had done and what I had been that I forgot to see where I was and what I had become. As I truly sought repentance, I changed. The change was miraculous. I became so much happier. I enjoyed people. I began to share my gifts and talents and my life with others. I was looking forward to who I was becoming and leaving the past behind.
“Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same isforgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.” –D&C 58:42
Don’t look back.