Tonight I was oddly reminded of part of my past life. In speaking with some close friends I mentioned some things about my high school years that I had almost forgotten.  There was a time in my teenage life where I was not very active in church.  Sure I went, but my heart wasn’t in it. I was secretive and private.  I was living a double life.  I was not living the principles of the gospel as I knew I should.

Now as I look back on that time I realize how much happier I am now than I was then.  What I thought was “nice” and “satisfying” and “just who I am” did not bring me happiness. I was living a gay lifestyle and I was slowly becoming an angry, selfish person.   I was not living the gospel.  I was not following Jesus Christ.

Eventually, and with much help from friends, church leaders, and My loving Heavenly Father, I changed.  It was hard, but I learned to depend on the Lord as I repented and learned to change who I was. One of the HARDEST things for me to do was to forgive myself. It was so difficult to forget that God knew what I had done.  I was gay and had been acting on it and I was a sinner.

Well yes.  I HAD been sinning.  But not any more. I stopped.  I moved on.  I changed.  But for so long I was so focused on what I had done and what I had been that I forgot to see where I was and what I had become.  As I truly sought repentance, I changed.  The change was miraculous.  I became so much happier.  I enjoyed people.  I began to share my gifts and talents and my life with others.  I was looking forward to who I was becoming and leaving the past behind.

“Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same isforgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.” –D&C 58:42

Don’t look back.

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