Usually when I post I do so with confidence and surety. As a general rule, I know how I want to act and who I want to be in life. I have things pretty well figured out.
I have some new roommates this semester. I recently moved and as I began to settle in I noticed some things that worry me. Some of the guys are real reserved and quiet and I like them well enough. Others frustrate me a bit.
I consider myself to be a pretty social person. I do my best to be kind and welcoming to anyone. And I enjoy the feeling of having people accept and enjoy my company. But some of the guys make me feel uncomfortable. I feel like we haven’t really clicked, and that they don’t really like me but are trying to avoid conflict.
But the REAL thing that bothers me is all the gay jokes. I don’t mean the “pretending-to-be-gay-with-my-good-friend” stuff that many guys (including some of my roommates) do, but they say rude things and use harsh words, and it really frustrates me. They say words like “fag” and “queer” and other such terms and continually joke about guys they know or think are attracted to men. I have not told them about my situation, and I don’t really plan to. I think these guys just see “gayness” as a fun thing to joke about and don’t realize the harm it is doing me.
I wish more members of the church, especially the Priesthood holders, would realize that same gender attraction is a real issue that causes a lot of pain and suffering for people. Believe me, I wish I wasn’t this way. I would give anything to have this gone. My sight. My hearing. My voice. My limbs. Anything. I don’t want to feel this way. It hurts me. And then to live with people who find it amusing to make jokes about it is just a slap in the face. The Savior would not act this way. It is not becoming of someone who professes to be a follower of Christ.
So, I am not really looking forward to the next few months of my life. It will be a hard transition. And to be honest, I don’t know how I will handle this. This situation is just so new to me and it scares me a little bit. Don’t misunderstand; I know everything will be alright in the end. I know Heavenly Father loves me and will take care of me. But I am pretty upset. I just wish these guys weren’t so prone to poking me where it hurts.
Please, be thoughtful of those around you. You never know the situation someone might be in.