I recently read a talk by Elder Richard G. Scott. It was incredible. I hope that you will all read it. I want to comment on how this talk relates to my life and my struggle with same gender attraction, but I hope that you will all read the talk personally and connect it to your life. You can find it here.
After reading this talk, I realized that the Lord has answered my prayers much more than I had ever known! I have always felt a bit inadequate because I often pray to know if something is right but seem to get no answer. I worry that I might be doing something wrong. But as Elder Scott points out, sometimes the Lord chooses NOT answer us. This is in an effort to have us show faith.
And this is what has happened to me. Even though I often felt like I did not receive an answer, I felt my decision was good and that the Lord would see it as a worthy and righteous decision. After acting on my decision, even though I felt I had no true yes or no answer, I have always found comfort and peace. I realize now that that feeling is the Lord saying “Yes”. After I showed my faith, it was rewarded. In the Lord’s time, not mine.
Often times I find myself praying about what to do, specifically in regards to my attractions.”It is ok for me to go on a certain trip with certain people” or “would it be ok if I moved to this place” or should I go to this certain school” are things I have prayed about in the past. “What if one of the guys on this trip wants to be sexually promiscuous?” or “What if this city has a large and very vocal gay population?” or “Is that school one that will help me stay spiritually strong in the face of adversity?” are usually the thoughts that prompt me to pray about my decisions.
And usually, I feel that I get no kind of answer. Why? Because the Lord trusts me (and us) to make the right decision. On rare occasions I get a definite no. I count those as special times when the Lord is protecting me, and I ALWAYS follow them. On even rarer occasions, I get a yes. I can count these times on one hand. They are rare, but very sacred things to me. These are the times when the Lord wants to make himself known in my life. As I act on that “yes” answer, I find that I was told to go ahead with something because I was going to learn and grow in significant and long lasting ways.
I am so grateful for prayer. It comforts me when I am sad. It strengthens me when I am afraid. I know that I can speak to God and that he hears me. I take new heart in knowing that when I live my best and strive to be righteous, the Lord will trust me to make the right choice. As I act on the right choice, the spirit confirms the goodness of it and I am comforted. I end with the words of Elder Scott:
“If you seek His help, be sure your life is clean, your motives are worthy, and you’re willing to do what He asks—for He will answer your prayers. He is your loving Father; you are His beloved child. He loves you perfectly and wants to help you.”
With gratitude in my heart, I add my witness to this testimony