It has been a while since I posted last. It feels good to write again.
Yesterday was a really good day for me. I enjoyed church and spent the evening with good friends. As the evening progressed I knew that I would have to leave because I had other engagements. “But we are all bonding so much” I thought. As more time passed, however, I realized that my reason for staying was not entirely wholesome.
One of the guys in this group of friends used to not like me very much. In general, that type of thing upsets me, and so I worked to make things better, and in time he realized that I wasn’t all that bad and we have become better friends. But I realized last night that I wanted to stay and hang out because HE was there. I was enjoying the bonding in the room, but I was not even caring about my other friends there. I only wanted HIM to notice me.
Here is where something interesting happened, all within a half a second: I realized that I was attracted to him and that I wanted to be near him. My reaction was to leave. My brain started to immediately justify, saying “But this is so good for all of us” and “We had issues and now things are better with him, so it isn’t all a bad motivation”. The spirit pointed out that I was justifying my decision to stay. So I stood up and said goodbye, and that I had to go. I left.
It was a VERY hard thing to do. But I know that I was able to do it because I had been doing the right things. There really is strength to be found in going to church, reading your scriptures, and praying. The best thing to do when you find that you are tempted and wanting to justify your actions is to say a prayer for help and guidance, and to remove yourself from the situation as soon as is possible. I honestly felt that the covenants that I had just renewed that day were working. I had the spirit to guide me and help me have the strength to stand up and leave a situation that would have only hurt me in the end. In the sacramental prayers, we are promised that as long as we take the name of the Savior upon us and always keep his commandments, we will always have His spirit to be with us.
I felt the fulfillment of that promise yesterday. I am grateful for it. I have found that if I ever struggle with something, I can rely on my Savior Jesus Christ and His atonement. Living the gospel protects us and helps us live righteous lives. Always, always, always go to church. Always read your scriptures. Always pray. The Lord has promised to help us stand through anything if we do. And I testify that he does!