Today was an incredibly wonderful day! Don’t get me wrong…it was super hard. And very long. And unbelievably frustrating. But It was so good at the same time! But I get ahead of myself.
I first want to share one of my more favorite primary songs:
While I am grateful for all of the beauty in the world, and for all of the blessings of life, there are just a few things that happened today that were my “lilac trees” and “butterfly wings” for which I am very grateful and that have proved yet again that my Heavenly Father is aware of me and cares very much for me.
This morning I received some frustrating news about part of my academics in my graduate program (something someone else goofed on…) and I was not looking forward to having to fix it, if fixing it were even a possibility. Just as I began to realize that this could become a very grumpy day, my friend Nina called. I was busy, but I answered and she said “I don’t have long, but these funny things happened” and proceeded to tell me stories that had me laughing harder than I had laughed in a while. In that moment it was JUST what I needed.
Later in the day I got a message from a dear friend back home. She told me that she and her husband usually like to do give aid each year to someone who has had financial trouble during the holiday season. She said that she knew that it was a bit late, but they had chosen me and had deposited some money in my bank account. What she did not know was that I was beginning to worry what I would do about getting money. The money from school isn’t scheduled to start coming for another two weeks, and I was dangerously low on funds. But now I have just enough to get by until that money comes. What a blessing!
And even with my stress and frustration today, I had help right there next to me. Someone in my program simply took me under her wing and helped me. She immediately welcomed me and showed me what to do and how to get places and pretty much made all of the other students in the program be my friend. I am really thrilled about how things have worked out for me.
Why was I worrying? I spent so much time fussing over all of the things that could go wrong and I forgot to trust in my Heavenly Father! He has watched over me and strengthened me and supported me through all of this. I met the people in my branch yesterday. It was a wonderful experience. I felt the spirit and was able to share the Love of the Savior with people I hardly know. They welcomed me warmly and I am so glad to know that they are here and look forward to getting to know and love them.
And the best part of all? I have hardly even thought about my attraction to men these past few days! I mean, yeah it happened here and there, but I was so busily focused on doing good things and doing my best to live my religion around people who know little about my faith that I almost forgot about it. I have had so many opportunities to explain what I believe and why I believe it and it has only been a week! I feel like I am now living in a place where I can truly let my light shine.
And because I am so different from everyone here, it seems that everywhere I go I have the chance to be an example. In doing so, I can focus on being good in other ways than those that relate to my same gender attraction. The end result: I thought about how I was a son of God, someone who will not harm his body with drugs or alcohol, someone who will not steal or lie to get gain, etc., and I hardly thought about my attraction to men! So…great day!
My Heavenly Father has given me everything that I have. My talents, my abilities, my righteous desires…the list goes on and on. But most importantly He gave me His Son, Jesus Christ. Through the Atonement of my Savior I am able to change. I can focus on being like Him and forget about my own troubles. Living as the Son of God has asked us to live truly brings happiness and light into life.
He has cast out my doubts and fears. He has lifted my head and helped me walk again. Jesus Christ is the example. He is the way, the truth, and the light. He is proof that my Heavenly Father loves me. Through Him, I can do all things. This is my testimony. I know it because I live it. There is nothing else that will bring greater peace and comfort in this life. Live as He lived. Seek to know Him and you will realize the love that He and His Father have for all of us.
As said above, Yes. I know Heavenly Father loves me. I truly do.