I am a 20-something male. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints (Mormon). I struggle with same gender attraction. I choose not to act on those feelings. Do I love God? Yes. Does he still love me? Of course!
My purpose for writing this blog is to help other people who struggle as I do. Sometimes it is easy to feel alone and unloved. How sad that so many feel alone! Know that many people struggle with feelings of same gender attraction. And that God still loves them very much.
Now, my personal beliefs may be different than yours. That’s ok. I simply want to make the things that I believe public. So, what exactly do I believe?
1. God loves us all. Because of that love he wants us to be happy.
2. I have two parts to me: my spirit and my body. Before this life, I lived with God and grew to know him in the form of a spirit. He sent me to earth to receive a body and to be tested.
3. In order to be truly happy, God has given us laws and commandments to follow while on the earth. These laws and commandments not only bring peace and joy in this life, but will enable us to remain clean and pure in this life so we can return to live again in the presence of God himself.
4. This Plan of Happiness includes families. Together families can learn from one another and return to live with God if they are righteous. A family would consist of a man, a woman , and any children that they may have. Gender is a sacred and important part of this plan. Genders are different and have their own set of traits that come with them.
Well what does that say about my feelings of same gender attraction? I do not believe that they are really “me”. At least not as God intends. I believe that my spirit is perfect, but the body that I was given to live in while on this earth is imperfect. And one of my imperfections is that my body tells me that I am attracted to men. My spirit is not. After this life, when I no longer have this imperfect body, I will not have these feelings of attraction to men.
Because God loves me, he has given me laws that can help keep me safe and clean while on this earth. One of those laws is that a man should not lie with a man. Now how could such a law make me happy when I am attracted to men? Well, if i cultivate and allow feelings for a man while in this life, what will become of that relationship in the next life when I no longer have those feelings of physical attraction? A homosexual relationship has no place in God’s kingdom. So having one now would only make me unhappy in the end.
So does that change anything now? I mean, I am still attracted to men. Sometimes it is hard to look around and see others having happy, fulfilling relationships. That is really difficult to deal with sometimes. It is discouraging. And depressing. But I KNOW that while it might seem hard now, the blessings will be worth it. That when I do leave this life behind the Lord will say to me “Well done thou good and faithful servant.”
Now many of you will not agree with me. You might even find my words to be offensive. I mean no offense at all. On the contrary, I am trying to bring a message of love and peace to the world. I am happy this way. I truly do believe that this lifestyle is pleasing to God and that he will bless me for sacrificing my carnal desires to his will. I ask that you please comment! Let me know your thoughts and feelings! Ask questions! But please be respectful and kind. I do not want this to become a forum of arguments and angry words.
I will continue to post thoughts and impressions and struggles I have had. But I want to know if you have questions or concerns. Please comment and let me know. Even if you do not have an account or even read regularly, please leave your thoughts! I want to hear what you are thinking and feeling and wondering while reading the things here. I pray that I will be able to bring light and peace into someone’s life, even if is is only my own.
Mormon & Gay 
you have an amazing outlook! it’s inspiring.
Thanks thatgirlwhit! I hope you find more in my blog that inspires you. It think that my very first post continues in the vein that I started here. thank you for reading and feel free to share the blog with others!
a sister-in-law posted a link to your blog on facebook and said how much she respected you, i was curious as to what you wrote. i read a post then read ‘about’ and i have to agree with my sister-in-law and what thatgirlwhit had said, inspiring and i do have great respect for you and your beliefs. your words tugged at my heart and i am very happy to know that your example and light is here for the world to know. thank you!
I try to reply to every post and I realized that I have missed one! Apologies! I am so glad that you like the things I post. I hope that you will continue to read and comment. Thank you so much!
🙂 I truly admire you. It takes a lot for a person to do what you’re doing. Our heavenly father loves you and in the end it will be worth it. We all have our trials and some are harder than others. You have motivated me to stay strong. Thank you for sharing! Hugs 🙂
I am so glad. I hope you will keep reading! And don’t be afraid to comment and speak up if you have thoughts or questions.
I admire your faith and positivity. You have a wonderful understanding of Heavenly Father’s plan. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult that must be… I think that a lot of people, both members and nonmembers, do not understand how someone can be gay and be a member of the Church in good standing. Kudos to you for working so hard to be worthy of HF’s blessings and for sharing your experiences with us.
Thank you! The reason I write this blog is to help others realize that you can have homosexual feelings and know that God still loves them. Many people think that having these feelings makes them despicable in the sight of God. Not true! He loves us all, even though we are imperfect. But God cannot look on sin with the least degree of allowance, so he expects us to live our lives according to His laws. Too many people feel the need to justify their lifestyles. I am here to say that living a righteous life needs NO excuse, and that it will bring all the happiness that we could even want in this life!
An old mission companion of mine posted this on his wall and he said “it’s ANONYMOUS and PRODUCTIVE, unlike the video”
I’ve only heard about the BYU video that came out recently, but I haven’t heard anything encouraging about it, mainly just that people that struggle with same-gender attraction at BYU are depressed and feel ostracized.
What I love about your blog is that you stress that you are choosing not to act on the feelings and that God still loves you no matter what.
I have had a theory for a while and perhaps you can help me with it – I have equated same-gender attraction to be similar in nature to alcoholism, in that some people are more prone to it than others and that they are both forbidden. Just because a person has a carnal desire for alcohol that is much stronger than another doesn’t mean that they need to drink their life away.
I sometimes hesitate to use the example because, not being in the same situation, I don’t know exactly what it’s like.
What do you think about that? Am I off a little? A lot?
Either way, I respect you like crazy. Thank you for writing!
You aren’t off. Not really. It is hard to relate same-gender attraction to other things so I understand. For the most part, I think it works; alcoholism and same gender attraction both deal with a desire for something which can halt our spiritual progression.
But I think the main difference is the need it fills. Alcohol fills no need. People do not have a basic drive for it. Love, on the other hand, is a basic human necessity. And so to go without it can be difficult. I don’t mean to say that same gender attraction- is therefore harder. We all have our trials and each one is specific to our needs. I just see it as an interesting distinction. Does that make sense?
That does make sense, I hadn’t considered that aspect of it before. Thanks again
I am incredibly happy that I came across this page. Thank you for your example! I know that the Lord is and will bless you for believing and stating this to world. Keep it up. Although I will probably never meet you, I am routing for you always. Please know that!
Thank you Grant. I hope you will keep reading, and please share the blog as you find it appropriate!
Also friends, it is really easy to continue reading…just click the follow button on the sidebar of any page. 🙂
I really appreciate the things you’ve written so far, especially on a topic that can be very complex and sensitive. Same gender attraction is something I know very little about as I don’t experience and was raised in a place where it was uncommon. I appreciated your comments about how although it is very real, you don’t feel it is really you, at least not the spiritual you, because I never really knew whether it was a choice or if people are born that way. I’m so happy that there are people struggling with it that have been able to make the gospel alive in their lives since I’m sure the “culture” of the members probably make it hard sometimes. I hope that others struggling with same gender attraction can find the same peace in the restored gospel that you’ve found and that other members can be more sensitive and loving toward each other. I plan to refer to this site if any non-member friends have apprehensions learning about the restored gospel due to their own feelings of same-gender attraction.
Thank you so much Scott! My main goal with this blog is to help people learn, and I would love for you to use it as a teaching tool. I am glad you see it as such. I try my best to take my information from the words of our church leaders so it can be doctrinally sound. I am glad you are comfortable with it. I hope you will continue reading!
Youre a great writer!
You said that beautifully. I pray that you will be strengthened to be able to carry on with such nobleness.
Thank you daneece. The prayers are very much appreciated. I hope you will continue to read! I think there is something here for everyone, whether you struggle with same-gender attraction or not.
Holy cow sir. You will be so blessed for your strength and your faith in God. I love your perspective and it is truly inspiring. Please keep it up and know that we are all rooting for you!
Thanks Shal. I really do appreciate the support.
Way to ground yourself in revealed principles and doctrines, and follow them through to their everyday application in your life. This is a great example of how Christ’s gospel addresses our very real, immediate problems and questions.
Thank you Nathan! I am glad to hear that you approve. I am always worried about saying things the wrong way or even saying things that are not indeed fact and doctrine. That’s why I do my best to pull from the words of the scriptures and our leaders. It is good to hear that others agree and that I am not just pulling this out of thin air. 😛 I hope you keep reading!
I am impressed with your outlook. I hope you find a true, deep happiness. Have you ever come across this blogpost? It is about an openly gay LDS man who married and started a family with his best friend, who knew he was gay. He is also a psychologist, it’s very interesting and they have a very loving relationship!
http://www.joshweed.com/2012/06/club-unicorn-in-which-i-come-out-of.html
Yes I have! Thank you for sharing it! He says things so well and I refer people to it often.
Thank you for your message! I am a mother of 4 and I strongly believe that my children need to understand the need for acceptance with morals. I love your
perspective. This is what I will teach them when they ask about same gender attraction.
Thank you for reading! I am glad you found it to be helpful. I hope you will keep reading and I would love to hear your thoughts. Comment and share!
I watched someone on a television program who was gay and disaffected from the Church. He felt strongly that being gay was his identity and he could not imagine being with a woman in the Celestial Kingdom. I pondered this for some time and then had the following experience. I have an intellectually handicapped daughter who also suffers from Autism. This is her challenge in life (and her families) and her identity is also very entrenched in her disability. She fantasizes continually about getting married and having a family. She makes long lists of all the children she will have. Then she writes next to their name what disability they will have. She believes that she and her boyfriend will get married during the millennium. I gently suggested to her that perhaps since there would be no illness during that time she might not have children with disabilities. Her reply – “Don’t trash my dreams.”
I could not help but see the correlation between this man and my daughter. Neither can see that their identity comes from being a child of God – not in being gay, disabled, single, young, old, or whatever adjective you choose to identify with.
In spite of this trial in your life you have kept an eternal perspective and are in touch with your true identity. In this realm of existence we so often are so short sighted. This life is so short.
So true! Thank you Susan! As I say on my about page, I do not believe that I will have these feelings in the eternities. So to cultivate them, while nice for now, would ultimately damn me in my eternal progression. Thank you for the comment!
Great point. I think that is the plain and clear truth that needs to be kept in the forefront of all these discussions. The Church pamphlet says as much: “As we follow Heavenly Father’s plan, our bodies, feelings, and desires will be perfected in the next life so that every one of God’s children may find joy in a family consisting of a husband, a wife, and children.”
Nathan, what pamphlet is this? That is so clear and precise. Thanks for sharing it!
The pamphlet is entitled “God Loveth All His Children.” It was put out by the First Presidency in 2007. Here is a link: http://www.lds.org/manual/god-loveth-his-children/god-loveth-his-children?lang=eng
Most excellent read for all to absorb. Thank you for the link and God bless!
I am a member of the Mormon church as well living in NJ. Today one of my class mates confronted me about how i was “evil” for not supporting same sex attraction marriage. I came home and goggled why mormons do not support gay marriage and stumbled onto your blog. Your blog is such an inspiration. Keep the faith. You are so amazing and will be blessed. i felt the spirit while reading your blog because of your faith and attitude!
🙂
Thanks for the support abby. I hope you will keep reading!
I want you to know how I admire, and respect you. I, too, am unmarried. Though I do not struggle with same sex attraction, I have struggled with others telling me that I don’t have to live a moral life. Thank you for sharing and helping. You are loved, and I know that Heavenly Father will make it right for people like you and me, who are alone by no choice of their own.
I have a brother who is gay, sadly he left the church and has embraced the lifestyle for many years now. He still wants the strong sense of family and every once in a while goes to the scriptures and is convinced the way he is living is what God wants for him. I love him dearly and wish that I could get him to read your blog bit not get mad at me as i suspect he would. If you know of anyway to help I would appreciate it.
Mormon mom, could you email me? I would love to talk to you about this some more. mormonandgay@yahoo.com
I came across your blog today and was really inspired. Your words are my view exactly on living with same-gender attraction. Though this isn’t my specific challenge, there are so many ways our mortal bodies challenge our spirits. I have suffered from depression and discouragement too and also find comfort in knowing that though it is hard, it is temporary. Like you said, it’s not part of my spirit, it’s part of this mortal tabernacle. Thank you for sharing your testimony, so many truths, and your faith!. Writing is a great outlet and a way to help others along the way. Keep it up!
Thank you for the kind words Eva. I am glad that you felt inspired! I’m prayerful about what I write, so it is good to know that it is working! I hope you will keep reading and I would love to hear your comments and thoughts. Thanks again!
Hi, I mean no offense at all, just wanted to offer another perspective regarding your journey and this blog. I just read your About page, and while I do have great respect for your efforts to share honestly with others, it makes me very sad and heartbroken that you are not being completely honest with yourself 😦 While I respect everyone’s right to have their own belief system, I really feel that these feelings you are having are no sort of defect or halt in your life, they are just YOU, and i hope one day you can find acceptance within yourself and truly love yourself. It really saddens me that all of your commenters only remark about how strong you are for fighting these feelings, but no one commends you or encourages you to embrace and love yourself for who you really are, even if that means being shunned by others. I am so sorry you have found yourself unable to live genuinely and freely and to be respected and loved for that. No one should have to live that way. I wish you well, take care ❤ For the person that compared homosexuality to alcoholism, shame on you.
Incredible blog and content. I just barely found you and will be following you along with sharing your content. Keep it up!
Your testimony is strong. That is clear. You are strong in the gospel. That is clear also. You surely must stand as a becaon to others. As I myself try to grow in the gospel, I am greatful to people like you with thier eyes and their minds so unwaverably stable and focused on the bigger picture, and not getting caught up in earthly things. I wish you nothing but successess in this life. I know we are all blessed with individual struggles when we come to this earth, and I must say it seems as though you are handling your with the utmost of grace and strength. Don’t stop what you are doing.