I have somehow managed to survive my first month of grad school. To be honest, it hasn’t been that bad. It takes a lot of time maybe, but otherwise isn’t as hard as I thought it would be (not to jinx myself). The difficult things seem to be in the living life part, not the learning and school part.
For instance, I got set up on a date two weeks ago. And to be honest, I just don’t feel ready for that. My views on dating are thus: when I am ready to be interested in a girl or to pursue marriage, I will begin dating. Is that wrong? Maybe I should be dating and THEN I will find that I want to marry someone. I don’t know. In my life I have blessed with lots and lots of “definites”; clear lines of delineation and well marked paths of action. I love that sort of thing. And so far I had had large success with my struggle with same gender attraction because I have looked for those rules and lines and have done my best to walk them well.
But this? Dating? So not clear. At all.
Back to the date. I got set up on a date and all I knew was that she was two years older than me and that she went to the family ward because the singles branch here isn’t the most welcome bunch (which I sadly agree with. But I’ll talk about that later.) So we all go out and get Chinese and go see Les Miserables. Not my idea of an exciting date, but I hadn’t seen it yet and it wasn’t my idea anyway, so off I went.
Now, I may be attracted to men, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to kindly treat a lady and make her feel special. I’m a people person and I spend most of my time trying to lighten other people’s burdens and bring happiness and joy into their lives. But she was just not diggin’ it. She clearly didn’t want to sit next to me at dinner, so I didn’t push it. She wanted to talk to her friend who set us up and not me. Honestly, it was ok because I didn’t want to have to be doing this at all. So there was less pressure. But let me say this: I think I WOULD be a great date. I’m great to be around. She was just being weird about not wanting to be on a date in general. I hope.
Anyway, we get back from the movie and are going home, and we ended up talking in the car for a good while. About an hour. And it was awesome! We talked about our frustrations with the singles group down here and she actually opened up about her struggles with her spirituality since her mission. She started laughing and apologized for being an “inappropriate over sharer”, but I didn’t think she went too far at all. She clearly had this on her mind and needed to talk about it. I listened to her issues and told her that I understood. I know it is sometimes hard to find ways to fit into the gospel (It was hard for me not to laugh…I mean, I am attracted to men and she had no idea!) and testimonies sometimes wane and we have to really work to strengthen them. I bore my testimony and told her that no matter what, if she does all she can to please God, she will be ultimately happy. Because that it what has happened with me.
And then it was over. I didn’t die. She didn’t try to awkwardly hold my hand and I didn’t have to be all weird and resist-y. It ended up being fun. And while I am still not really in a place where I think I could/should look for romance, I think I could be a little more outgoing and willing to take girls on dates. It might help. And as long as I am just trying to help her enjoy herself and don’t let her think I’m too attached, it could be good for everyone. Right? Thoughts?
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Mormon & Gay 
Dating should be a fun way to get to know people — a non-stress situation in which friendships can grow. It sounds like you had just that! I would say keep it up and enjoy making friends.
Dating is an extremely personal decision; it all depends on how comfortable you feel. And while you had some misgivings about being set up on a date, you felt like you were able to talk with the gal, and like you said, nobody died. ; )
I can see you being a good date if you want to date, and I know your posts well enough that you wouldn’t lead any girls on. If you want to enter the dating scene, and improve your interpersonal skills with the opposite sex, more power to you. I know that for some, it’s just not an option, and for others, they have even married the opposite sex, with full disclosure of the wife knowing the husband is indeed gay, or vice versa.
The thing is, I am FINE with talking to girls. I’m super comfortable with it. I’m more comfortable talking to girls than guys because there is no issue of “are the attractive?” going on. And it isn’t that I would go on a date and suddenly be nervous around a girl, it is just that I feel like “why do I have to do this again?” or something. I don’t know. I will try to go on more but for now, it really doesn’t interest me.
I think I tried to force date for a long time, mainly because I wasn’t honest with myself about where I was at, or my Same-Sex Attraction issues. Its hard to be a Mormon in a situation where everyone around you is dating, and there is a lot of pressure. I think fun, get to know you, make friends and become more comfortable with the opposite sex dates are a good way to expand your horizons, but any time it becomes too pressure filled and not fun, then I dont think that makes situations like our easier to deal with. Honestly I’ve reached the point where I know eventually I will be ready to date (again) and hopefully progress towards marriage, but right now I am definatly not ready, and I feel like Heavenly Father agrees with me. When its time to worry about that, I think you will know. If its not time, its ok. I once heard the best quote as applied to a marrige lesson in a singles ward, from i think Joseph Fielding Smith, but not positive “Faith in the Lord also includes faith in his time table” recently I have taken that to mean that for me, persuing dating and marriage hard core right now is a bad idea. i’m 31 already, pressure is beyond on. Biological clocks are ticking down, but if its not time, its not time no matter how much I try to force the issue.
And I think that is a good attitude. I have had lots of people (including and especially my parents) try and push and get me to date (and therefore magically like) girls. But if it isn’t right it isn’t right just like you said. Thanks for the comment!